JORDAN WYNN

"I think I am an advocate, whether I want to be or not." Jordan explains how being "The Token Black Girl" growing up as a classically trained dancer has affected how she continues to present herself. She questions if her identity depends on this role she has always assumed which complements her level of successes both in and outside of dance.

I really like having people that form a system around me.

What or where is your comfort zone?

My comfort zone, probably like I'm a dancer, so studio spaces. I mean, my house for the most part, like with my best friends. Comfort zones to me are places where you can feel like you can be all of yourself or at least most of yourself. So I don't think there's really, for me, there's not exactly like one place, but it's like areas and situations with friends.

You mentioned studio spaces and like your house, with your closest friends, what is it about those specific places or situations? Like what do you feel when you're in them?

That's interesting because I feel like in all of those areas, I mean I'm a whole person, but there's different aspects of myself that shine through more in those different spaces. So for example, in a dance studio space, I'm able to kind of, without speaking as much, be more of myself through movement and through, dance and through art and technique, and like that type of art form and performing, even if it's

in a classroom, kind of treating it as like an area to show and say something without verbally saying something.

Would you consider yourself to be an introvert or an extrovert?

Definitely an extrovert.

So you feel most comfortable when you're around other people?

Yeah, I think the hardest part about being an extrovert. I always need to be around others. This is kind of off topic, but the hardest part about quarantine right now is being isolated in my house. I am the

epitome of an extrovert. I definitely feed off the energy of other people. Especially like at NYU, I'm around people all the time, and now I will go days without physically interacting with people for days.

Why does being around others that makes you feel comfortable?

I think it's typically the energy like of the group that I'm with because I typically spend my time with a group of my good friends. Whenever I'm in a group it's usually with my boyfriend and his friends, or my

friendship circle through my major. And I think we've just kind of like all developed a shared rapport and like have had shared experiences which allows us to share jokes and stories. I think that energy and back and forth banter and great conversations all are really comforting to me because I really like having like people who form a system around me.

So like with shared experiences, there's an element of like familiarity you would say that you're most comfortable in situations where you're familiar with whatever's going on?

Yeah, for sure. I definitely am. My family makes fun of me all the time because I'm very resistant. I'm so resistant to change and trying new things, especially if I've heard mixed reviews. But like, even if my

family is like, "Jordan, just do this over time or just go here, like you'll be fine, or apply to this," I'll be like, I do not want to do that. So the day before school high school I literally fainted because I was just so

anxious about going. Like I did not want to go so much that I made myself pass out.

Do you know where that comes from? Have you experienced a situation where like there was a change and something about it ended up poorly?

in a classroom, kind of treating it as like an area to show and say something without verbally saying something.

Would you consider yourself to be an introvert or an extrovert?

You know, I don't really know. Now that I think about it, I can't really think of a time when it went poorly, but I don't know. I think it's just an overall sense of stubbornness, like period.

I guess on the flip side of that, what are situations where you feel most uncomfortable?

I mean, maybe since we're talking about groups of people, if I'm with a group of people that don't share any interests with. Like if a conversation is like going nowhere, or it's like very awkward, it'll make me feel very uncomfortable. I hate like very awkward silences and really just gaps in conversation. When I see something that I don't like, or that makes me feel secondhand embarrassment that makes me very uncomfortable too like, if somebody's obviously not good at something and you're forced to watch it. Like, I feel awful for feeling secondhand embarrassment, but it's a feeling that literally overtakes my whole body.

Would you consider yourself an advocate?

Definitely. When you say advocate, I kind of think of social issues instantly because there's just so much to advocate for. Especially marginalization-wise. So yeah, I think, I definitely think of myself as

somewhat of an advocate for voices that like go unheard. Within dance specifically, even though you don't say anything, you can say a lot through your body. Especially being a black dancer at such a high

caliber in a predominantly white institution and also, being classically trained in ballet...

Correct me if I'm wrong, but that's pretty rare, isn't it?

It's becoming more common now, but like as a very recent. And still, in the professional world, there's really not that many black women at all. There's honestly, probably more black men in dance than black

women. Black women are very ostracized because of history obviously. History, racism, and body politics, how black women's bodies have been hyper-sexualized and are still hyper-sexualized from birth on. Growing up, I went to a studio in Rochester called Draper. It is one of the most prestigious ballet schools in like the Northeast. I was the only black girl in my class for many, many years. And that just goes to show that opportunities are not handed out equally at all. So I think being a black body in such a skinny white field inherently makes me an advocate, whether I want to be one or not. I am kind of perceived that to be an advocate without actually speaking up on issues. I'm an advocate of education for the improvement of educational systems especially for POC children. I'm just doing as much as I can. I feel like that's a very important part of who I am and who I'm trying to be.

What do you consider a positive distraction from your own insecurities?

I don't really have, I feel like one way of going about it. But like a lot of the time, I hate to say it, but a lot of the time, like I feel satisfied with validation from others. That really helps downplay whatever I'm

insecure about. Self-validating too. Doing like affirmations and telling myself, "like this is possible, I can do this." Don't let systems drag you down and make yourself succumb to what maybe expected of you. I

remind myself constantly that I wouldn't be here if I wasn't good at something. Tell yourself, " you are good because you got to where you are." Nobody can deny that, and nobody can deny you of that spot

that you earned.

Is like "earning" a very big part of your mentality? Like I need to work to earn this, or earning things

gives me validation?

I'd say so. What I've been noticing with my life is that I don't always have to try earn it. Like some things will just come to me, which is really great. I'm very fortunate to have that. So recently, I've just been

looking at it in terms of doing my part, rather than hyping it up with strenuous effort.

Obviously you're a person of color. I'm not, so coming from a person who's not POC to a person who is POC, do you feel like you've had to work harder in certain situations than other people? If so, which ones?

Oh, for sure. Plenty. I'm like flipping through all of them. Honestly, one of the areas where I've seen that I've had to work harder than everybody else is dance, because I've just been compared to so many girls all my life. Especially going to the studio that I went to, where I was The Black Girl. For years, I was the only one and my sister was the other one. So, unfortunately, I've become accustomed to that role, just

as accustomed as I am to hearing no. Obviously, because there's stereotypes, I think the wall like between POC, and white people, goes all the way back to slavery. I've always had to work harder because people will formulate stereotypes that are not about like things that have anything to do with you as a person. It's your what you represent. I became a representative of the collective black girl and that's a challenging role to take on, especially when you don't even realize you are taking on the baggage of every "Black Girl" throughout history. That's a lot of baggage. I didn't really know what I was getting myself into. Not that it's a bad thing, but that it's about more than just being the only black girl in your class.

You're more of a representative for your community rather than just your own personal situation. There's like a really good quote. But, I mean, obviously we're not talking about death, but the quote is "death is only the end. If you believe that the story is about you." I feel like that applies in this situation because like, I don't want to romanticize it by saying that you're like making a legacy, but in a way you are. You're creating a legacy for The Black Girl, especially in dance.

In so many situations, I had to be that representative. And it was tiring! I was so tired of people like saying offhanded things and being that representative that people would go to to be like, "is this okay?"

Like, "can I say this?"

You mentioned too, the fact that you are the representative of The Black Girl, how has that affected like your own thinking process and like how you approach certain situations?

I think I just have to be more careful. I walk on eggshells and people don't even realize that so many of us have to.◎

meet the

POWERHOUSE

JORDAN WYNN

I really like having people that form a system around me.

I walk on eggshells and people don't even realize so many of us have to.