meet the
POWERHOUSE
A team is only as strong as its individuals, and we at CHEEKEEBEE believe this to be true. You can think of us as the real life version of Taylor Swift's "Bad Blood" music video. The POWERHOUSE is made of independent thinkers with various backgrounds which only fuel our mission of human-informed fashion design. We work together to highlight human stories and their connections to fashion.
Are you an advocate?
This one time I was at a bar and I witnessed a guy harassing a woman, and it was obvious that she did not want to be engaging with him. Because it was a guy and a girl, I had to go over there and tolerate it, either help with something and get her away from him.
Were they together or no?
Yeah. Well, I don't know. I saw them talking to each other and then I saw him almost pull her out. I mean, I don't know if they were fighting. I don't know what was going on with, but because it was a girl, I was like, I need to make sure that that's okay and see if she needs help. Because a public crowded place is a vulnerable place for women altogether. And I'm generally more concerned about other women than myself. I don't know why.
Do you think that you're less in control of the situation in a crowded place versus like a one-on-one interaction?
Yeah, absolutely. For sure. I definitely do.
Why do you think that is?
I feel like I can take control, that I can take charge of the situation. So if it's me and another person having a conversation, or if it's at my house or if it's at my bar or if it's with a group of people, but I'm one of the in group, thats talking or whatever, then I feel like I can control that. If I'm an outsider somewhere, if I'm just one of a crowd, then I can't, I can't control that. I can't take charge of that. And so there, I'm nervous mostly about the women around me.
Do you feel, as a woman, in that situation, that other women have the responsibility to stick together? Do you think that that's kind of an unspoken code?
I wouldn't say that every woman feels that way, and I can't speak for others. But I definitely feel that responsibility. I feel like I need to watch out for other women and I need to help. Personally, I need to be supportive.
Do you need to maintain that sense of responsibility of needing to help out in other aspects of your life too, or just that's the main one that you can think of?
No, I feel that in a lot of places. It's often things that I participate in. So, I have little kids, when I think of like single mothers with little kids, I feel like I've got to support that. I have to help if I
can, because I've been there. I know what that's like. When it comes to discrimination, based on, let's say race or, religion, because I'm Jewish my family has all this history with the Holocaust. And with persecution, of my group of people, that's something that I feel I am responsible for. That's an issue I'm responsible for, stepping in with that. There are definitely situations where I will go out of the way and maybe even be intrusive, to check on a girl to make sure everything is cool. If it wasn't a girl, I wouldn't have worried and I wouldn't have thought twice and I definitely wouldn't have interfered.
Okay...
Oh, you want to hear a story?
Of course.
It's about this kind of thing. A couple of years ago I was at a bar
and there was something was going on. This girl had just gotten engaged. This event was about her and my husband at the time started acting inappropriately and was just taking attention away from her, ruining the thing, you know? So like, I was like, "hey, you know, come over here. That's not really about you." And so he and I got into a fight about that and he got in my face and in my space and like physically inappropriate. It got to the point where I was like, "I need you to back off. I need you to back away and walk away from me." There was a group of 30 people sitting around, nobody stepped in. There was a girl making a video. She was sitting at the bar and she pulled out her phone and started acting like she was texting, but she was totally taping it. I mean, I wasn't in danger, but I definitely was getting bullied and intimidated. And in retrospect, afterwards, when I reflected on that, I thought, "wow, no one did anything and helped,
but not even the women. That was the part that really was surprising to me that there were women there. And in that situation, I would have been all over it in whatever way was appropriate depending on the situation. And I think that part of it was probably because people knew that that was my husband.
But that doesn't make it acceptable.
I think in fact it makes it worse. So then he owns me, he has a right to abuse me. I mentioned it to a couple of people who were there afterwards. I was like, "you know what? That hurts. Like I trusted you and you hung me out to dry in a time of need." And they were like, "well, if it was just a random dude, totally, we would have stepped in, you know, but, we didn't wanna interfere in a family thing."
All of the sudden intimidation becomes acceptable when you are linked in someway to another person. It's easier to pass it off as, "oh, they're having a personal disagreement."
Yeah, yeah. That's okay. He can do that because he "owns" her. I struggled with that for a long time. I lost friends over this.
I would, that's a big deal.
And I've seen guys, getting into each others faces and I'm fine with that. Not that I'm fine with it, but I would not get myself in the middle of something like that. I feel that women are vulnerable and women are not in a position of power in situations like that.
In a situation like that, it's more about intimidation and power dynamics.
Exactly. And so, like I said, I feel the need to take charge. I need to be in control. I'm going to get in there and be a bigger boy.
What is a good kind of distraction? I mean a distraction from your own physical, mental, or even emotional insecurities.
Anything that's funny.
Humor!
There's a humor in it for sure. Somebody can get you laughing for whatever reason, like any sort of nonsense and you can't really feel sorry for yourself much longer. I have this ritual that I call a reset. When I'm out or actually even when I'm not out, but if I'm in any sort of a social situation and I don't like how I'm feeling, I'm either being too aggressive or I'm too depressed or I'm dwelling on something or feeling sorry for myself or feeling insecure, or feeling like I don't look good or whatever, I go into the bathroom and lock the door and I have to put on lip gloss. There's got to be lipstick involved. It's like a symbol of power to me. Now I can take on the world kind of thing. But I need to solitude for a moment and put on lip gloss in the mirror. And I just honestly stare at my own face and talk myself into a different mindset. Cut that shit out. And most of the time, it works. My friends know this. I tell them, "I'm going to go reset."
I go into the bathroom and lock the door and I have to put on lip gloss. There's got to be lipstick involved. It's like a symbol of power to me. Now I can take on the world kind of thing.
I want to command authority. I want to look unafraid.
I realized that sometimes the way I dress is going to attract attention... in some ways it's going to be positive and it's going to be negative. When I go out with dates, they'll say, "you make me look so under dressed." It doesn't bother me.
I have never heard that before. I love that. Just resetting.
I mean, I don't know if anybody else in the world does that. There was a girl that I found crying in the bathroom fairly recently. And I happened to have a red lipstick with me, and so I stood in front of the mirror and put the red lipstick on her and made her stare at herself crying. I think it helped, I think it worked. I gave her my red lipstick and now I miss it, but she calmed down. I think she definitely felt less sad, you know, less sad and alone and pathetic, which is what she was feeling. You can't really feel pathetic with red lipstick on. You just can't.
Absolutely not. It works for real. It's interesting as a female, you're going into the bathroom, you're putting on your lipstick, your lip gloss, whatever. I think that it's interesting that a cosmetic product is a symbol of power because it is something that is equated with femininity.
Yeah, you're right. It's not like I need to look tough or macho or want be like a man. Right. That's true. That's a good point.
I just did recently a photo series with red lipsticks. So basically I took a bunch of photos and with red lipstick, I would doodle on the photos. It was one of the most interesting things I've ever done. I never thought about using lipstick and the connotations it has.
Lipstick is my multi-tool.
Do you find that you can get yourself to laugh or do you need to be in a social situation to laugh?
Not that easy. I need somebody else, for that sort of distraction. It doesn't help me when someone is like, "Cry onmy shoulder. Tell me more. Let's talk about it." I just need somebody to tell me a dad joke. I feel like too often, culturally, we're supposed to get deeper into it. "Let's talk about it." I think we really just need to snap out of it. I think we just really need to just remind ourselves that we're choosing to do that, that we can choose not to do that.
Right. I think in some cases, there's obviously more extreme cases than others, but in general, I think reminding ourselves, "Hey, just don't go down that route, go somewhere else." I think that's powerful.
Yeah. I agree.
Do you dress or present yourself with a specific schema, if so, what is it?
I want to look good. I definitely, I never, ever, ever, ever go out in sweatpants or pajamas, like never. I feel comfortable and I feel safe when I'm in charge. I want to command authority. I want to look unafraid. When I'm like deliberately dressing for something, I kind of want to look like a badass, a girl badass. Classical types of things, tight around the waist with high heels and lipstick.
You said previously that you want to look good. You want to look badass. Does that come through the eyes of others? Or does that come from yourself? I want to look this way because I want to
feel this way sort of thing.
Because when I'm late, when I'm upset or sad or when I'm angry, and I go and stare at myself in the mirror, I want to see somebody who I believe can take charge of things. Be good.
So it's kind of a reassurance to yourself.
Sort of, yeah. I think so.
High heels. You said something about high heels. Have you always, well, not specifically high heels, have you always felt this way? Wanting to command a room, wanting to command attention. Have you always had that mentality?
No, I don't think so.
Do you know what the, not that there was a big turning point, but, do you know when that started?
I don't think that there was really a big turning point, but I think it came was learning stuff. The smarter I got, the more that came out, the more I learned, the more educated I became, the more I understood about the world and about immunity.
Obviously there are different social situations that you would take part in, whether that's work or a wedding, or whatever it may be. Do you feel that there is a sense of etiquette or social norms in going to those events? And do you follow them?
I do. Yes. There are. I'm always right on the edge, or I try to be right on the edge of what is acceptable. I won't wear a white dress to a wedding, but I will wear a mostly white dress.
Why?
That's a fair question. That was a bad example maybe, but, at school let's say. I have a reputation for dressing the way I dress. And I know that there's a lot of criticism for wearing boots that are considered too tall. And heels that are too high. And skirts that are too short. The way I dress at school, it gets a lot shorter
and heels get taller and higher when I go out at night. That's not my extreme look. So I dressed to teach at school the way that I feel comfortable saying "this is appropriate." The fact that it's not the norm really doesn't bother me. I don't need to blend in. I don't need to make sure that nobody's talking about how I dress.
On the note, do you dress for attention?
No, no, but I realized that sometimes the way I dress is going to attract attention. I realize that in some ways it's going to be positive and it's going to be negative. I don't think I take that into consideration at all. When I go out with dates, for example, they'll say, "you always make me look so under dressed" or
like, "I look like a bum because you're all dressed up." It doesn't bother me that I'm way overdressed. I'm just gonna look the way that I want to. The way that I think looks good on me and that's what I'm going to wear. And so, if everybody else around is in sweat pants, I am still going to wear heels. And I know that's going to look odd to people, but that's okay. It's fine. It's not that I want to provoke people. I don't think I changed the way I look or like my schema based on what I think others will, how others
will perceive it.
So what others think of your style, how you present yourself, that doesn't really effect you.
I really don't think so.
I guess that makes sense. Because if you're presenting yourself, you shouldn't, I guess in some situations maybe, but, you shouldn't really care. What others think shouldn't affect, how you're presenting your person.
Yeah. I think that I'm very fortunate. I'm super lucky that for whatever reason, it, honestly, sincerely just doesn't bother me. It doesn't hurt me. I know that that's really difficult for a lot of people, and a lot of people spend a lot of time thinking about, "how am I going to look?" "What are people gonna think of
me?" And that's got to stop. I know that I'm very lucky to have this sort of nature where that particular thing just doesn't. Do you remember Mrs. Alder, a colleague of mine?
Yes, I do.
So, she recently said to a group of people, including Mr. Carson, that I dressed like a whore.
No one asked.
And so Mr. Carson, being my close friend, told me that. And I didn't go and say "Oh shit! How should I dress?" Instead, I went to like, "wow! What a petty little person she is."
I feel like you've heard that before.
Yeah, sure. I know that, that is the perception out there. I mean, specifically when I'm confronted with it, I don't reflect on that.
Do you dress to portray a persona? If so, what is it? If not, how does the way you dress or present yourself reflect your personality?
Yes. There is a persona. It's Anna Karenina in the first half.
Why that specific persona?
If I walk into a room and I feel self conscious, I definitely channel Anna Karenina because I feel like she could walk into any room and be comfortable in her own skin and everybody would admire her. You know, like she has that charisma.
I think that's cool.
I think for the book, maybe you haven't memorized that book like I have. Very early on in the book, Kitty goes to the ball , where Vronsky is supposed to propose to her. She's in pink taffeta and she's wearing false hair and all this stuff. And then she tells Anna, "you've got to wear a lilac. I see you in lilac." Then she showed up in black velvet with pearls. And she sticks out, women are wearing pastel colors, all foofy and poofy. And Ana is wearing a long black velvet gown with pearls. Anna comments that she is too old for this, that this kind of thing is not about her and she doesn't need to be wearing lilac. "I don't need to be the princess. That's you. I'm not the center of attention here." It's to challenge people. I don't think it's to ignite anything. She knows that she looks good in black velvet, and so that's what she wears.
I remember exactly what part of the book that is. I don't remember a lot from that book, except that I do remember.
I guess I want to look like the person that I want to be. I want to look maybe more sophisticated than I am. Maybe I want to look more confident than I am, but I want to look like the kind of person that I would love to be. And then I feel that once I have the look, it's easy to pretend that I have the qualities. And then once you pretend that you have them, you kind of have them.
Because if you're pretending and you're acting as if you do have them, then don't you have them?
Exactly.
It's kind of cool that it starts with the look though, and then that morphs into how you act.
We play dress up, not act up. I think it's kind of circular. I know that there's this schema out there of the wounded bird, right? There are women who want to look frail and dainty and they need saving. They don't happen to dress that way and therefore act that way. They want to be that first. And then they start creating that with both the look and the behavior and the tone and everything else. I have an idea of who I want to be. The decisions that I make, I try to have them contribute to that identity, and therefore that's what I become. ◎
I feel that once I have the look, it's easy to pretend that I have the qualities. And then once you pretend that you have them, you kind of have them.